


Where Did We Go Wrong?

by ProPinkist



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Angst, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lailah is my least favorite but I was thinking about her in this part, Spoilers, who's ready for Zestiria the X to get here and utterly break us yaaaaay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-13 23:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7990687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProPinkist/pseuds/ProPinkist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lailah has always remained strong, brave, and collected. Now, however, she finds it nearly impossible to not break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Did We Go Wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what prompted this, besides Zestiria the X kicking me in the feels many a week (that Edna episode was just /oh my god why/), so I think I'm looking towards the future of the anime when it finally gets to Dezel's death and makes it a hundred times worse than in the game, haha. *cries a lot* Have some kind of weird Lailah introspection, since her scene post-his death is my favorite out of all of them, and cause it's obvious she's going through a tough time of it herself here.

Lailah had always prided herself in her resolve, her strength, and her ability to overcome any hardship with grace and dignity. She had lived for centuries upon centuries, but at some point during that time, she had realized that tragedy would never truly cease, whether it was an era of relative peace or not. The last thing that had threatened to shatter her spirit was when Michael had abandoned her and done what he had, the repercussions of which they were still feeling even now. But even that, she had braved through.

It was now, however, that Lailah felt more lost than she could ever remember feeling.

The night was quiet, calm, peaceful. It was so quiet that she could hear her own breathing, and as Lailah listened to it, it somehow frightened her. She had said before, jokingly, that seraphim did not need to eat to live. Nor did they need to sleep. Indeed, they did not need to do most of the things humans needed to do to simply survive.

But seraphim could be wounded. They became hurt, sometimes severely, and they could grow weak because of this, their voices pained, their light fading with each and every second that passed, until their breath was no more, forever.

They breathed as humans did, therefore they lived. And so, they could also die.

Lailah stared down at her feet, feeling haunted that something so obvious that she had always known could bother her so much now.

She remembered exactly the scene before her as if it were mere hours ago… and it _had_ been mere hours ago, but right now she felt as if it had been years ago (it made no sense to her, either). They had stood there after Symonne had spouted some more biting remarks at them, their group now five instead of six, around Rose, who was still sitting on the ground where she had come back to. Lailah didn’t need to see her face, or that of any of the others around her, to guess what they looked like. Vaguely, she spotted Zaveid out of the corner of her eye, picking up a certain something off the ground that should not have been lying there by itself, ever, and leaving just as quickly as he had arrived, but she did not have it in her to accost him at the moment.

Everyone remained where they were for what felt like forever, and Lailah knew it was her duty as the oldest (physically and mentally) here to say something first. Say something, do something, _anything_ to break the agonizing silence before one of them broke it for her in the way she absolutely did not want to see, didn’t think she could _handle_ seeing.

But neither her voice nor her legs would work.

Eventually, after what was probably about five minutes but felt like five years, Lailah managed to put on a neutral expression and walked around to Rose, wrapping he arm around her and helping her up. Rose jumped a little as she did, seemingly not having realized she was even there in front of her until she had touched her, but she allowed herself to stand at Lailah’s behest. Neither of them said anything.

Doing this seemed to break the trance that everyone else was in, because they all immediately went their separate ways off into the city. Edna walked off briskly like she normally did, spinning her umbrella as if nothing was wrong (but Lailah knew she wasn’t nearly as unaffected as she seemed; she knew very well what loss felt like, after all). Rose didn’t go very far, leaning against one of the nearby pillars, her face betraying no emotion.

Sorey walked slowly, painfully, looking more tired than Lailah had ever seen him just from the back. Mikleo came up beside him, putting his arm around his friend and leaning his head on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. He was never very touchy-feely, Lailah had known, but he did so when Sorey needed it most, and she was grateful. Grateful that he was playing that role that she, selfishly, could not bring herself to fill right now.

Lailah _knew_ how selfish she was being, that she didn’t want to see her Shepherd cry, despite the fact that she herself had told him at the beginning that a difficult road lied ahead of him, fraught with tough decisions. …But she had never imagined this would be one of the things he’d have to suffer through, not in a million years, and yet she knew his journey would have to continue even after this tragedy. She didn’t think he would become corrupted, no, but he would have to carry that burden, and she wished with all her heart that he didn’t, even with them to lean on.

As for right now, fate chose to punish her, and even though Sorey and Mikleo were long out of sight once she and them went opposite directions at the split in the path, Lailah could still hear Sorey’s mournful, agonized sobs as clearly as if he was right next to her. The sound hurt her chest even more than any malevolence ever had.

Later, Sorey approached her, his eyes red and bloodshot and still slightly wet, and Lailah forced herself to not outwardly react.

She talked to her charge, and he talked to her, and they kept their respective facades of alright-ness, somehow. Lailah spoke words of encouragement and advice and about how “what-ifs” were best not dwelled on, and yet she hated herself for it all the while, because she was trying to help Sorey be okay again as if _she_ was okay, and Lailah knew that she definitely was only as okay as Sorey himself was.

That is to say, not at all.

_Regrets solve nothing, but even I’m not immune from having them. I always have._

The gesture with the origami bird wasn’t much, but it brought Sorey some comfort, which made her feel at least a little bit better. In fact, when she began to use her magic to give it some wind to ride up on, she was surprised and awed to see that it did so seemingly on its own.

_Are you there? If so, can you hear my, our, apology?_

It had all happened so suddenly, and Lailah desperately wondered if they could have prevented this, as Sorey had said to her, and as she knew everyone else was wondering right now too. It was a strange, jumbled, and chaotic series of events that had taken place that night, and yet when she thought about it, so much of what had been revealed to them made a horrible amount of sense, as much as she hated to admit it.

If they had paid more attention to their fellow seraph, had seen how much he was struggling and had tried to keep him from being so closed-off, this would not have happened. Lailah knew it, they all knew it.

Maybe he had been okay with, even _happy_ to die for Rose. But that didn’t make her feel any better.

What she knew for certain was that nothing she remembered had hurt quite as much as this. Lailah had seen lots of death in her long life, but she had never formed a group of Shepherd and fellow sub lords that she had felt so close with before, that felt like _family_. It had been easy for her to embrace the mother role with them all, and before she knew it, Lailah had grown attached, grown to love them, and it had never even entered her mind that she would ever lose any of them.

Sorey and Mikleo were her beloved sons, although Rose and Edna felt more like sisters than daughters to her. Zaveid, she knew other people would joke about, was like an ex that she loathed to see each time his awful self made itself present again.

Dezel felt like a son as well. Out of everyone, Lailah felt like he had said the most to her that he wouldn’t say to anyone else, and she felt like she had seen a lot into the sort of person he was. Dezel wore a gruff and standoffish facade, but truly, he was very kind and caring, especially to animals. He just didn’t know how to express his emotions very well, and it wasn’t rare for him to follow up a thoughtful statement with a crude remark as he tried to backpedal.

Lailah knew Dezel was a kind soul, but also suspected he had secrets. She also knew he was lonely.

But even knowing all of this wasn’t enough, and she had never tried to delve deeper into the heart of the seraph who carried more burdens than he even knew he was carrying, who was so used to living on his own that he didn’t know how to ask for help if it wasn’t offered to him.

It was too late now though. Dezel was dead, and she had lost her figurative son, and the others had lost their brother. Lailah knew nothing would ever be the same again, now that a member of their family was permanently gone forever (she did not know specifics yet, but in the future, Sorey’s smile would no longer be quite as bright or genuine anymore, especially when watching Zaveid; Mikleo would approach the first stray dog he saw, letting it lick him without fear and with tears in his eyes; Edna would lose all hope of her brother being saved, because if they couldn’t even save one of their own who was suffering right in front of them, how could they save a _dragon_?; Rose would sometimes turn and say the name of someone jovially who was no longer there, only to realize the reality; and Zaveid would be a living reminder each and every day of their loss).

It hurt even worse because despite his demeanor, Dezel had been so _young_ ; his age as a seraph was the equivalent of Sorey and Roses’ human ages, so it was really no wonder that they were the two who had become closest to him. He was nothing but a child who was misguided, had lost his way, and needed guidance again.

Sorey saw right through Lailah’s act, and told her that she, too, was not alone. It was all she could do to lie and say that she would be fine, because if Lailah let it be known that she was hurting, if she broke down herself, then there would be nothing to keep everyone else from breaking as well. Sorey already had, temporarily. She needed to be strong for him so that he could try to heal, so they all could.

…But just for now, once Sorey had left, Lailah allowed herself to grieve, to break form and sink to the ground and weep softly, and wonder where on earth she had gone so horribly wrong.

_You never brought us misfortune, no matter what you were… I’m so sorry we could not prevent misfortune from coming to you._


End file.
